A post by a really good friend of mine…..enjoy
“Our problems are often a manifestation of who we are and it is not the problem that needs to change, but rather ourselves.” -David Bedrick, J.D., Dipl. PW
1 not settling an issue : these experimental results are indecisive.
2 (of a person) not having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively.
This would be the word to describe me. As I sit here, listening to dance music, drinking beer, sitting beside my cat, I wonder if I’m making the right decisions. Not about the music, beer, and cat, no regrets there; but the decisions about the bigger picture. And there are so many more to make. I’m turning 25 in under a month (Yes, call this a quarter-life crisis or what you will) and that has spurred this constant cloud of analysis. But to be honest, I’ve always been this way. Cherry, Vanilla, Chocolate, Chocolate Cherry, Dulce de Lece, Mint Chocolate, goddamned London Fog; too many options for my mind to handle, which one will make the best ice cream sandwich?! Tortured by whether or not it’ll be the wrong decision, sometimes I veer away from making any at all.
And that is not cool.
I floated around for a very long time, and I mean floating, like in the clouds, far far away from reality, Peter Pan style. Perhaps now I’m in a place where I can finally see the ground and sometimes venture down, but I’d still like to stay up here a bit longer, please. However, this kind of escapism does not bring happiness, it definitely doesn’t solve any of my problems, and maybe that’s why some of my issues are still unsettled. I must face my fears, and I must make decisions, whether they are “right” or “wrong.” The only place I can move forward is on the ground. Actually, the only times I’ve truly been able to settle into my problems and let the feelings wash over me, were when I felt grounded. It has a lot to do with breathing from your gut (or “breathing from your butthole,” as my old acting teacher used to say), and letting your body be open, but of course everyone has their way. Maybe it’s hanging out with the people who know you best, or knitting a sweater for you cat, but any way you get back to earth is valid. It’s amazing the kind of peace you can feel when you’re down there, but the heartache is that much more painful, because you’re truly listening to yourself. I think that’s the place I’d like to make decisions from. The place that recognizes, “The world will not end if you go with the Dulce de Leche, your heart will not burn if you tell her you’re not going to cover her shift, you will not become a hobo if you make your whole life about your art.” Maybe as we get older all of our decisions become a little bit (Okay, A LOT) more complicated than ice cream, but that place remains within us, and it knows which path to choose, we just need to listen. No matter how scary it is.
Nobody wants to be a floater for life. Trust me.